Posted 20/5/2012 
outlaws of love; may 18th
it sucks, it sucks knowing that there was a chance of having something but you didn’t grab the chance and let it slipped away and now there’s nothing left to hold on to but you just can’t let go. it sucks, wanting to talk to someone so badly but not knowing how to start, not wanting to take the first step for fear of annoying the other person. it sucks, missing someone but knowing that you aren’t good enough - not pretty enough, not smart enough, not attractive enough, not thick skinned enough. and when you the person, things are just so awkward you can’t take it but you have no way of telling the person, just like how you just want to text the person and talk to him for a long long time but you don’t have the courage to because you’re simply not good enough and he might not feel anything for you anymore, if he ever did. it just sucks so bad :’(
ETOILE FILANTE - three days of shooting stars; 11 May- 13 May
Just got back from AYLC facs training camp and i just have to say, it was the bombzxccccc<3
Day 1, at first I was really super afraid that i’ll be in some weird group with awkward people and that i won’t have anyone to high with and all that but then the group turned out to be not too bad:3 then went to tennis court and played group bonding games like elope, wacko etc! and elope we lost so we ended up doing awkward dares like dancing around the whole tennis court in front of everyone. AWKWARD MAX OMG:( then played some mass games, did some cheers and went to hall for mass dance!:D then after that had dinner and station games! :3 and yep the group ended up being quite fun! c: then for the station games the lemon station was super funny, everyone had to squeeze under all the tables and eat the lemons then our lips were burning like mad but still got people say it’s nice sia! idgi! :c okay nevermind! then went to hall for group bonding games and played mrt!:D B4 really very fun<3
Day 2, woke up in the morning and had… PT! OTL! and after that we had breakfast and band was playing games in the field sia! :3 after that learnt the line dance and ;D then made up the words AYLC and did the line dance again! after that got dumped by kaiwen and we went for amazing race and it was okay lah:D then went for lunch where shikai tricked kaiwen into singing by saying that we all did a dare and everyone sang a song already and we played along and she really ended up singing bring the boys out HAHA! after lunch we went for group bonding time which was basically to learn the cheers and all that! then played mass games!:D ANTOINETTE FONG DUMPED THE WHOLE BUCKET OF WATER RIGHT INTO OUR FACES SIA! asdfghjkl! and after that went to choreograph our own group dance for LCD night and the song we got was troublemaker! and our dance ended up quite epic:p then went for dinner and hype up session which was insanely hot! but the atmosphere was really super high! then LCD night was… woah, pure awesomeness!:D found janice, kellie and in the end found liling too! and we were all highing and screaming and singing and jumping like crazy at the back but it was just so so fun, i can’t put it in words! the whole atmosphere was just woah, like we were a few hundred strangers coming together and being one big family! and when we were singing and all that, we put our arms round strangers and highed with people we didn’t know before! and kellie and i were dancing like idiots during one of the super high songs heh! and when they played wmyb, everyone went even more crazy and started shouting out all the lyrics! then when it was B4’s turn for the group dance, I totally forgot all the steps so i lagged in everything because i was trying very hard to follow the rest of the people:p but the cheer we did after the dance as a group was one of the best cheers we’ve ever done in the whole camp. it was nothing fancy, but truly heartfelt like “yeah, we got through the performance as a group”!<3 then saw 4D peeps near the front and went there to high with them for a while before going back to the back! and actually i don’t really remember what happened the rest of the night but all i know is that it was one of the best nights ever<3 Then had mass cleaning and we were in charge of cleaning the big steps area but truthfully it didn’t seem to have made much difference:x And at night, chatted with janice till we fell asleep and got woken up by the mad gusts of wind! and we were like (Y) because at first it was really hot then suddenly so cold and everyone started scrambling into our sleeping bags cos the wind was really blowing like crazy xD
Day 3. Played H2O with B4 in the morning then went for breakfast and rapweb. and after rapweb, the guys all taupok-ed each other and the girls all went around hugging each other and it just felt so real, that our group really felt so so bonded and the feeling was just awesome. and when the guys tackled and taupoked yangsheng, the girls mass hugged xiumei! then yangsheng really started dancing to his jap song and then shikai joined in and after some time our whole group started doing line dance in the room and it was so funny with everyone facing different directions and all that. and i really didn’t want to leave the group:( then went for debrief in co room and when mr zhou told his story half of the people in the room started crying T____T and then after some time when the video montage of the 3 days started playing i cried again because i really didn’t want it to end so quickly :c and whenever there was a picture of our group, we always lagged and only start cheering after a few seconds >< then mr ng told us that all of us were facils for aylc and we did the aylc, wo men lai le filming and boom just like that we were left with one last cleaning up of the toilets and 3 days was over. :(
truthfully, the camp was a lot more fun then how i described it but now i’m losing a bit of the hype already but today in school it was so epic, we were cheering randomly during pe, during lessons and chinese lessons woah, we were just cheering and singing and all that. <3 can’t wait for aylc!
okay, i’ll add photos to this post once they’re up on fb! n___n
1st May/12, 4th May/12 - You’ll find us chasing the sun!
1st May/12 : Istana Performance!
ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE IT IS: HOT! like really really asdfghjkl hot! >< This is why outdoor performances aren’t really that desirable :x there was only one fan in the whole place sia! :( and even in the morning we were sweating like mad cos there was no aircon :( and the bus felt like bliss with the coldness :3 then went to istana to perform!
okay wait continue next time, lunch now c: <3
May 6!
HELLO I’M IN LOVE WITH NICO DI ANGELO AND PERCY JACKSON<3 honestly, whoever created fanfiction.net is one pure genius<3 in love with pjo series even more than ever now<3 okay i’ll update soon! xx
i’m so so so confused now :x
and my feelings are all over the place, ahhh.
27/4/12 ; call me maybe!
addicted to call me maybe! c; okay i know today’s already 28th but i’m posting about yesterday so yep! :D
sports carnival yesterday! and at first it was super boring cause we were just walking around or sitting there and watching others play but after that we borrowed a basketball from 2 juniors and played with them for a short while then they left and we still had the ball so played a little bit of basketball with 4D and we got chased away from the court .__. ended up playing monkey on the track and slowly more people joined in n__n but super epic, rc got hit on the face twice, wq got hit too! >< so gave up on monkey and played a modified version of captain’s ball! :D super fun but also super tiring so when we saw water, everyone started koping heh! and it really sucks to be shorter than people holding onto the ball, i swear! we always can never jump high enough to get it back! >( then had to go back to the hall and were so bored at first we just continued playing and used the pull up bars as hoops :p if there weren’t bio make up lesson and band we could’ve continued playing! :( then had senior band and after that went centris with janice, kellie and phoebe! played bball somemore and our court eventually got koped by bballers :c at first there was only one then slowly more and more joined in and we were being a hindrance :( they spent half the time ducking our stray ball or catching it and passing it back to us! .____. so just left in the end! but super shiok, next time section outing should have games day then play bball, badminton, volleyball, caption’s ball and all random games! :D
should i give up or should i keep chasing pavements even if it leads nowhere?
i give up, i’ve wasted 6 hours plus of my time and since it’s still not perfect in your eyes, so be it. i give up.
24/4/12 : love to loved?
“They’re shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they’re gone.”
I’m so exhausted, as always. And now I’m exhausted from more than the workload, i’m emotionally worn out. Something I once loved so much, something that I looked forward to, something that I had so much passion for, the last time, it’s totally gone. Now it just feels like a deeply set routine, I don’t look forward to it and in fact, I absolutely dread going there because I really don’t want to see the faces of those people. I’m tired of getting picked on all the time, and getting judged. I’m sorry but who are you to pick on me? So what if you’re high and mighty? Once, I thought of you as the perfect person for something, so genuine, friendly, responsible but now? Just flip each of my initial impression and you’ll get what you are to me now. And thanks to you and all the changes you’ve made? Guess what? Somewhere along the way, the passion i had for that something died out. Now, having to make two choices - choosing between what i feel obliged to go to and what i truly want to go to? I don’t know. Maybe ask me the same question last year and I would have chosen what I’m now obliged to choose. But this is it. I’ve already sacrificed so much time and effort for this something. I won’t, I won’t let myself regret not going for what I really want. I won’t sacrifice for this again. One time, two times, three times a hundred times? How many more times must I sacrifice for this again. What will I have to sacrifice in future? Time? Grades? Bonds? After today, I just don’t want to make this sacrifice anymore. And honestly speaking? What’s the point of so called being in the same group as people, but within it, a smaller group of people operate on their own and keep the others out of the loop? Since you’ve decided that that’s how things will work, sure then. Go on, who knows maybe someday I’ll have utterly lost the passion.
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